the inner work no one talks about after a spiritual awakening
I had my awakening on January 23, 2023, a date that still gives me chills when I think about it. The numerology alone feels symbolic, but what truly marked it in my memory was the experience itself.
That day, I had my first-ever session with a medium, an experience that completely shifted my outlook on life. I had shared parts of my life online before, but what unfolded in that session went far beyond anything that could have been pieced together from an internet search.
She connected with past loved ones. She spoke details so specific and so personal that my body reacted before my mind could catch up. Goosebumps. A tightening in my chest. That deep, visceral knowing that something was happening beyond logic.
It was not just emotional. It was physical. It was ethereal. A remembering.
For the first time, I felt genuinely connected to something larger than myself. Not in a conceptual or intellectual way, but in a way that settled into my body. It was as if a veil had lifted and I suddenly understood that there was more happening beneath the surface of reality than I had ever allowed myself to believe.
That moment did not give me all the answers, but it opened the door.
It was the point where I realized there is an unseen world, and that once you become aware of it, you cannot unknow it. Life did not become easier after that day, but it became deeper, more intentional, and far more honest.
That was the moment I knew my relationship with the universe, and with myself, had permanently changed.
A spiritual awakening is often portrayed as light, clarity, and expansion.
But what usually follows is something far less aesthetic—and far more transformative.
It’s the part no one posts about.
Awakening Isn’t the End — It’s the Beginning
A spiritual awakening doesn’t fix your life.
It reveals it.
It strips away the stories you used to survive. It pulls the veil off old coping mechanisms. It brings awareness to patterns you once ran on unconsciously.
And once you see… you can’t unsee.
This is where the real inner work begins.
1. Grieving Your Old Identity
After my awakening, I felt everything all at once.
There was elation and excitement, a genuine curiosity to see the world through an entirely new lens. I dove headfirst into learning, researching, and consuming every resource I could get my hands on. With three placements in Gemini, learning has always been second nature to me. When something excites me, I hyperfixate and want to understand it from every angle.
Alongside the high-vibration emotions came anger and frustration.
I kept asking myself why we were never taught these things growing up. Why so much of our education focused on obedience rather than self-awareness. Why systems of power seemed to benefit from keeping people disconnected from their intuition, smaller than they needed to be, easier to control and profit from.
Those questions stirred something deep in me.
At the same time that this inner world was expanding, my external life was changing rapidly. Throughout my twenties, my life had felt relatively stable. Secure. Familiar. Then, within the span of a single year, everything shifted.
A nine-year relationship ended.
I was forced to leave my childhood home and the city I grew up in.
I started a new job.
It felt like my entire identity was being dismantled piece by piece.
I was changing internally, but I was not quite ready to fully let go of who I had been. Having so many foundations shift at once felt overwhelming. There was grief for the life I knew, even as I was stepping into a deeper awareness of who I was becoming.
That tension between expansion and loss was one of the hardest parts of my awakening. It was not just spiritual. It was deeply human.
After awakening, many people feel disoriented—not because something is wrong, but because who they were no longer fits.
You may grieve:
The version of you who lived on autopilot
Relationships built on old dynamics
Dreams that were never truly yours
This grief is rarely acknowledged, but it’s necessary. You’re not “going backwards”—you’re shedding what can’t come with you.
2. Sitting With Discomfort Instead of Escaping It
Throughout my spiritual practices and learning, I realized the only way out is through. Pushing my discomfort deep down in my body will not help the situation but can cause physical symptoms in the body. Understanding the karmic law, lessons are constantly shown to us until we embody it, process it, and truly believe we are ready to move on,
Awareness removes the ability to numb unconsciously.
What you once avoided through busyness, substances, distraction, or constant positivity now asks to be felt. Anxiety, anger, sadness, and emptiness can surface—not as punishment, but as invitations.
The work is learning to sit with discomfort without needing to immediately fix, suppress, or spiritualize it.
This is emotional maturity.
3. Taking Radical Responsibility (Without Self-Blame)
Awakening brings a painful truth:
You can no longer blame circumstances for patterns you now recognize.
This doesn’t mean shaming yourself for the past. It means acknowledging where you’ve abandoned yourself, tolerated misalignment, or waited to be saved.
Responsibility becomes empowering when it’s paired with compassion.
This period became a pivotal part of my healing journey.
Instead of placing blame solely on others for my hurt, pain, or trauma, I began to see these experiences as part of my human story. I started to understand that some connections may have existed as soul agreements, experiences designed to catalyze growth rather than comfort.
This shift in perspective changed everything.
What is a soul agreement?
A soul agreement is the idea that certain relationships and experiences are entered into at a deeper, energetic level before we are consciously aware of them. These connections are not about punishment or reward. They exist to help us learn specific lessons, develop emotional maturity, and remember parts of ourselves that may otherwise remain dormant.
Not every soul agreement is gentle. Some arrive as challenges, heartbreak, or repeated patterns. Their purpose is not to keep us stuck, but to invite awareness and evolution.
Viewing my experiences through this lens allowed me to take responsibility without self-judgment.
It felt empowering to acknowledge my own missteps given where I was emotionally and circumstantially at the time. This recognition was not about blaming myself. It became a tool for awareness.
Pattern recognition, when approached with compassion, is not self-criticism. It is the moment where unconscious behavior becomes conscious choice. From that place, healing becomes intentional rather than reactive.
4. Integrating Insight Into Daily Life
Spiritual insight means nothing without embodiment.
The real work looks like:
Communicating boundaries even when your voice shakes
Choosing rest instead of productivity guilt
Acting in alignment when no one is watching
Making different choices in familiar situations
This part is quiet. Repetitive. Often lonely.
And it’s where transformation actually happens.
There is a fine line between spiritual performing and spiritual embodying. Unfortunately even in the spiritual community I see people who don’t align their words with their actions. Be mindful of this and trust your intuition.
5. Letting Go of Spiritual Identity
One of the most overlooked phases is releasing the need to identify as “spiritual.”
Growth eventually asks you to stop performing awareness and start living it. Less proving. Less consuming. More being.
You don’t need to talk about your healing when it’s integrated.
You can tell by how you respond to life. Thinking that you are more “spiritual” than someone is coming from the ego and not the heart.
6. Learning to Live in the In-Between
After awakening, you may feel suspended between who you were and who you’re becoming.
This liminal space can feel:
Unstable
Quiet
Directionless
Lonely
But it’s fertile ground. You’re learning how to exist without old scripts or external validation.
Trust forms here.
Awakening Is About Integration, Not Escape
The deepest spiritual work is not about transcending your humanity. It is about learning how to be fully human with awareness.
I see so many people use substances as a way to escape the 3D plane, but that is not what this journey is about. We chose to incarnate here. We chose to experience life through a human body, with all of its emotions, challenges, lessons, and moments of joy.
This work asks us to feel deeply. To experience love, grief, anger, and awe in their full capacity. Avoiding the human experience does not raise consciousness. Presence does.
Without grounding, we cannot do the work we came here to do. Healing does not happen in disconnection. It happens when we are rooted in our bodies, aware of our patterns, and willing to meet ourselves honestly.
If we truly want to raise the frequency of the world, it begins with healing ourselves. Not through perfection, but through responsibility, compassion, and integration.
Thank you for taking the time to read my shared experiences. I hope this reflection stirs something within you, even if it simply invites a moment of deeper awareness.
