Soft Wealth: Rewriting Your Money Story Without Hustle Culture
For years, we’ve been taught that money must come from exhaustion.
That success requires constant pressure.
That if you’re not overwhelmed, you’re not doing enough.
But burnout is not a wealth strategy.
And hustle culture is not the only way to build financial stability.
This is where soft wealth begins by rewriting your money story.
During the last week of December, I felt called to face my greatest fear: my trauma and unhealthy relationship with money. On paper, everything looked “successful.” I was making the most money I ever had, and I had enough capital to invest in two businesses. Yet despite this, money still made me anxious. The feeling never went away.
I kept telling myself I must be good with money because I was earning more and investing wisely, but my nervous system told a different story. No matter how much I made, money still didn’t feel safe.
That’s when I picked up Money, A Love Story by Kate Northrup. Reading it marked a turning point for me. I realized I had been avoiding money books entirely because I wasn’t ready to face the deeper emotional work required to heal my relationship with money. Choosing to read it felt like choosing myself — and choosing the life I actually want to create, not just the one that looks successful from the outside.
What Your Money Story Is (and Why It Matters)
Your money story is the relationship you have with money — the beliefs, emotions, and habits that shape how you earn, spend, save, and receive.
It’s influenced by:
What you observed growing up
How money was discussed (or avoided)
Past experiences of lack, instability, or stress
Growing up in an immigrant household, for the most part, we were well off. My mom traveled frequently for work, and when she came home, she often brought gifts (perhaps as a way to soothe us, or out of guilt for being away so often.) I remember going to Superstore and never hearing “no” when I asked if she could buy something. Our grocery bills were easily $200–300, and money was never spoken about with fear or limitation. I never heard phrases like “we can’t afford this.”
Then everything shifted.
My mom decided to retire early from being a flight attendant and return to school. We began living off the money she received from the airline, while she was also supporting my dad, who had stopped working due to mental and physical health challenges. Suddenly, spending became minimal: only the necessities. She even went to the local food bank to help ease the financial pressure.
She was raising three kids on her own while going to school, and I could feel the weight she was carrying. I knew I needed to help, so I got a job as soon as I could. I didn’t want to be another burden.
I started working young, and as soon as I was old enough, I got a credit card. What followed was a pattern I didn’t understand at the time… spending beyond my limits and feeling almost addicted to online shopping. It brought me happiness, but only temporarily. Looking back now, I see it as my first attempt at regulating my emotions through money.
More trauma surfaced later through business.
I started a business with my ex-partner, and when we separated, I was told I owed the company thousands of dollars. Due to the timing of my departure and inventory purchases, I was told that the only way to clear the balance was to stay and “earn it back.” I didn’t want to remain connected in any way, so I felt forced to pay up just to regain my freedom.
Another painful lesson came when I sold my fitness apparel company to someone in his family. To this day, they still owe me thousands of dollars. What hurts most isn’t just the money — it’s the betrayal. People I trusted put me in deeply uncomfortable situations, and I was left feeling taken advantage of and unsupported.
These experiences didn’t just impact my finances, they shaped how safe I felt with money.
Most people never consciously choose their money story. They inherit it, then wonder why money feels heavy, confusing, or unsafe.
Rewriting your money story isn’t about manifesting more.
It’s about relating to money differently.
Hustle Culture Keeps You in Survival Mode
Hustle culture trains your nervous system to associate money with urgency and pressure. When earning feels like survival, your body stays in a constant state of stress.
This makes it harder to:
Make grounded financial decisions
Hold money without anxiety
Create consistent income
Feel safe resting while earning
If money only comes through overworking, your nervous system learns that rest = risk.
Soft wealth asks a different question:
What would financial stability look like if my body felt safe?
I didn’t want to give into the dark side of hustle culture but at the same time I was chose to be oblivious to where I was spending unnecessarily.
What Soft Wealth Actually Is
Soft wealth isn’t about luxury or aesthetic abundance.
It’s about ease, stability, and choice.
Soft wealth looks like:
Knowing your bills are covered
Having savings without fear
Simple systems you can maintain
Consistent income without burnout
It’s wealth that supports your life instead of consuming it.
Rewriting the Money Narrative
Before changing strategies, you change the story.
Try shifting:
From “I need to push harder” → “I need sustainable systems”
From “I’m bad with money” → “I’m learning to relate to money safely”
From “Money disappears” → “Money stays and circulates”
Your language matters. Your nervous system is always listening.
Build Safety Before Strategy
Financial tools only work when your body feels safe enough to use them.
Ask yourself:
Do I feel calm when I look at my finances?
Do I associate money with shame or neutrality?
Can I hold more money without immediately needing to spend or fix something?
As I was creating a healthier relationship around money I chose to rewire my beliefs around my relationship. I started to create safety and get my nervous system regulated when a thought around it came in.
Regulation creates sustainability.
Safety creates consistency.
The Foundations of Soft Wealth
1. Gentle Structure
You don’t need rigid rules — you need clarity.
A simple budget you check weekly
Automated savings, even in small amounts
Systems that don’t rely on motivation
2. Conscious Spending
Soft wealth is about intention, not restriction.
Before spending, ask:
Does this support my energy and values?
Am I buying from lack or from choice?
Will this make my life feel more spacious?
3. Sustainable Income
Instead of asking how much you can make, ask:
How consistent is this income?
Can my nervous system handle this pace?
Does this support the lifestyle I want long-term?
Consistency builds stability faster than intensity.
4. Regulated Money Rituals
Meet your finances from a calm place.
Pair money check-ins with:
Tea or coffee
Soft music
A grounding ritual
After reading a few books and receiving grounded financial guidance from my partner, I can honestly say I feel more at ease with my finances. For the first time, money feels neutral — not something to avoid or fear.
I use a budgeting app to track my spending and an Excel sheet to intentionally allocate my income, especially toward savings for larger purchases. I’ve started investing in ETFs and, importantly, shifted my mindset from resisting the Canadian financial system to working with it instead of assuming it was a scam.
Even my relationship with bills has changed. Rather than demonizing them, I now see them as human journey payments — the cost of participating in a life I chose. Once my bills and savings are covered, anything extra goes into what I lovingly call my “do whatever the fuck” fund.
That simple structure created safety in my body. And the more comfortable I became looking at my finances, the less anxious I felt overall. Clarity didn’t create restriction — it created relief.
Soft Wealth Is the Long Game
Soft wealth compounds quietly.
Through:
Small, repeatable habits
Clear boundaries
Nervous-system-aware choices
Self-trust over self-pressure
The goal isn’t to look wealthy. It’s to feel supported by your life.
This journey of rebuilding my relationship with money taught me far more than financial skills. It taught me how to trust myself again: to feel confident in my decisions, to stop using shopping as a way to self-soothe, and to become truly independent without needing to do everything alone. I learned how to ask for help without shame, how to face my fears instead of avoiding them, and how to take control of my own narrative. Money is no longer something I run from or prove myself through; it’s a tool I relate to with clarity, respect, and choice. And that, more than any number in a bank account, is what real wealth feels like.
